Previous Kirsten did a lot for other people first, even when she didn’t want to. And this created a lot of added stress and anxiety to my life. But I hated the feeling of letting someone down or not staying committed to my word.
I now know that putting me (mi) first, works out to be the best for everyone. Now if there is something I don’t want to do, I just don’t do it. Imagine that.
Here are some examples.
- Shortly after getting out of the hospital, I made lunch plans with a friend. She then let me know that she had invited another one of her friends along. I have nothing against this other friend, I just knew that my time and visiting wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be, so I cancelled and told her that we could wait and find another time. Which we did! Previous Kirsten would have still gone ahead with the change of plans, and not gotten what she really wanted out of the lunch. And then felt like it was a waste of time, which would then lead to more stress.
- A friend of mine was having a girls night and had invited a number of ladies over. When one of my friends was questing her RSVP, she texted me and said, “I really don’t feel like going.” Previous Kirsten would have thought, “Geez. We hardly ever have times where all us ladies get together. And she really does need to get out and interact with a good group of ladies. Quit being a party pooper.” But instead I replied with, “Then don’t go! Why go if you don’t even want to go?” Such a mind-bending concept, hey? She texted the organizing friend who totally understood and there were no issues at all.
- Recently I had plans with a friend on a weeknight, and then found out I was going to drive to North Battleford for a funeral on the Saturday. Other evenings had other commitments as well, and I felt overwhelmed with not only prepping for my long Saturday drive, but also the time I would have been away from Arrine. Previous Kirsten would have kept the plans, because she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. And the week would feel rushed and stressed. This time I was honest with my friend that I needed to reschedule with her, and you know what? She completely understood. Huh. Imagine that.
- Then this week I saw I had a number of doctors appointments and lunch dates already booked. Lots of appointments can bring on anxious feelings, just as I have something extra every day that I need to remember and focus on. So instead of just leaving things as is, I called my one doctor’s appointment and rescheduled for a week where I don’t have much going on yet. And then I will work on keeping it that way going forward.
Current Kirsten who puts herself first in positive ways is much more content than Previous Kirsten who just plowed through life. Before I think I felt that saying no to things or canceling/rescheduling was a sign that I couldn’t handle everything in my life. It was an indication of failure. Which is the farthest thing from what it really it. It is having the strength to succeed in your life, as you want to.
I am really loving walking through life now, with the choice to either stop and enjoy the sights if I want, or to walk a bit more briskly to feel my heart pumping. It also allows me time to really see, note, and appreciate the smallest things that bring me joy and happiness.