This past week has been one of the most mentally draining weeks I have had since this all began. It just seemed to be one thing after another, challenging my spirit and the ability to find the positive in things. But I tried. And sometimes I just let the tears fall. And that’s ok. And I will give myself kudos for that. Just allowing myself to feel what I am feeling.
The majority of the blues are what I call “real life” stressors. These are things that aren’t related to my health, but still challenge me. It’s one of the topics I mentioned that I needed to work through with my therapist – all the previous stress sources I had before becoming ill, are still there. And I need to still process and find ways to work through them, now along with my health stress too. I guess I feel that as I return to my New Normal, real life issues are creeping back into my every day life. And I need to figure out how to handle those too.
Last weekend we had a trip planned to Calgary. Long story short, car trouble left me with a tow back to Edmonton, needing to get a rental vehicle and almost $1500 to pay for it all. I was frustrated, angry and trying to parent a child who was overtired due to the craziness the car caused and her and I both had tears. Finances isn’t something I have mentioned before, but not working for 6 weeks, and since then only being back part time, has defiantly created financial stress for me. And I sure don’t have that $1500 for the car.
Then I started researching more about the potential chemo therapy drugs. And vasculitis. And it’s just all around not pleasant things to read about.
And then work. The industry I am in is dire. Layoffs are happening all the time. And at the end of this week, I felt it looming more than I ever have before.
So that was my week. I cried a lot.
But…where are those positives? With the car, when I was having to transfer all our things out before the car was towed, I found the keys Arrine thought she lost for her diary. And none of us were hurt in the whole ordeal. With the chemo therapy? Ummmm, gosh. I hadn’t tried to find a positive in that yet. Let’s just mark that one down as “learning”. And for work? Ok. I have a few, that I will keep to myself for now.
And another positive?? I decided yesterday that a new week was starting for me on Friday. And yesterday, even though all these issues are still present, I somehow felt better about things. Maybe just a bit more mentally ready to face them all. Or maybe it’s just cause it was Friday. And Fridays are good days of the week.