Gosh. It has been ages since I have written. I have had a number of things I have thought about writing about. But then life distracted me. And I think that is ok. Actually, I think that is a good sign.
I remember once, a dear friend showed up at my house, and I was wearing my mom’s sweater. I said to her, “I just need to be near her.” That was when her death still defined me. And later my friend commented on it. It has been a long time since I wore her sweater. And I am sure I will do it again. But it will have a different meaning to me.
Now, instead of me grasping onto her, I have learned that she is just part of me. Whether I am wearing her sweater or not. And I love these realizations. And here are two that I noted recently.
- How I Shift My Gearshift – I realized the other week, that sometimes, I give my gearshift a little tap, even though I know it is in gear because I am driving. And I thought, “Why am I doing this?” Then I remembered – my mom did the same thing.
- Starting to Time – My mom liked to time how long it took her to do things. Like how long to sew a dress, or make a certain craft or refinish a piece of furniture. The other day, I timed how long it would take me to weed one of my front flower beds. Why? I guess cause my mom did.
And recently, I have been reunited with an old friend from junior high. My mother taught him, and we always had a friendship that stood apart from others I had. I sent him a text, telling him he could “effing wait” about something, all in good fun, and he sent me this message back: “Yep, same Merle. You probably have some wisdom and elegance from your mom by now, but the Merle I remember would tell me I could effing wait.” And I thought that was the most lovely compliment.
So as for when am I going to write again? You can all just effing wait.