That’s how my dear friend described Women Who Run With the Wolves. I mean no offence to those whom the Bible means more to them than it has ever meant to me. But what my friend meant, was that you pick up the Wild Woman book always at the right time. For whatever powers compel you to read a few more pages, those pages hold the answers and enlightenment, just as you need for whatever you are facing at the time. Just like the Bible does for so many.
This came from me sharing how the other week I found myself thinking a lot about the past. And the anger I have felt and in some cases, still hold on to. And questioning my process because I still catch myself remembering. And then I started reading the chapter on Rage. And I read so many crystal clear analogies and explanations and moments that connected with me and allowed me to to feel content with how I now view past hurt. And Rage. And the passages in this chapter were some of the best I have read. And want to write them all out, but don’t know how to choose!
“Allowing oneself to be taught by one’s rage, thereby transforming it, disperses it.”
“None of us can entirely escape our history. We can certainly put it in the background, but it there nevertheless. However, if you will do these things for yourself, you will bridge the rage and eventually everything will calm down and be fine. Not perfect, but fine. You’ll be able to move ahead.”
And from Rage, comes Forgiveness. And the stages of Forgiveness are examined and it reminded me when I learned about the stages of Grief. I just kept reading and being awoken and comforted, in how I have felt and processed my own Rage and Forgiveness. And Forgiveness does’t have to be directed to a person who wronged you. It’s Forgiveness of situations and powers you don’t understand and circumstance. “How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, and you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him.”
And now the pages are transitioning to examining Grief. How fitting, as I feel the emptiness of my mother more recently. During this same conversation, my friend reminded me, “Remember what time of year this is for you. It’s starting to be connected to the hardest times for you.” And I said, “I know.” But I don’t know until she told me.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes talks of a gunshot wound. You are shot, but not fatally wounded. The bullet is removed, you live, and then pain of the gunshot lessens within a week or so. But what about the shrapnel? The shrapnel remains inside. This is why you may feel no pain of that bullet for months, or even years, but then you feel the shrapnel.The little bits, that remain a part of you, that still hurt. Still are reminders. And over the years, the time between feeling the shrapnel lengthens and maybe the pain tolerance increases. But it’s still there.
I feel the shrapnel.