So, my Wild Woman. I lost her a while ago. (If you are just joining me, I’ll bring you up to speed. My Wild Woman is my female psyche, coined by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD. It’s a way to describe our inner female strength and how she is needed for us to truly be happy and content with life. And how so easily, we lose her, for whatever reason, and now, how to get her back.)

It’s hard to write when most of you don’t have the context. But this is so significant to me, I need to write about it. Because the other night, while reading to the kidlet before bed, I had this thought. You know those thoughts that hit ya? It was like that.

I lost my Wild Woman in 1997. It was when I made the decision to not move to Lloydminster and teach dance after high school. Instead I took a year off and then moved to Edmonton to start my schooling to be an engineer. Why? Because I didn’t want to be a financial burden to my parents. I wanted to have a have a job after uni. I wanted to be financially stable. And in my youth, I felt those reasons all outweighed my need for my Wild Woman. Granted, I didn’t know it was her then…

And ever since then, I have been trying to find her…I just didn’t know it then either! I still took dance classes (and still do), I performed in a couple of local musical theatre productions, I have taught dance on and off over the years, I started DanceHer Pole Parties and again, I am looking for more dance outlets.

And it’s a struggle. Because I have a mortgage and a dependent and need to make a good living to pay for these things. But how can I do this, plus allow my Wild Woman her outlet to dance. And teach dance. And be truly immersed in the dance world? That I am still working on…

If I had no financial pressures? I would just find a way to dance and write. But maybe I am just making excuses for myself…

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