We have all had at least one of her as a friend at some point in our lives. The “She Has The Worst Luck With Men” Friend. The girl who always finds herself caught up with a guy who cheats on her, or doesn’t commit to her, or is controlling, or he has another girlfriend, or he steals from her or Insert Dickhead Trait here. And many of us are quick to find compassion and pity for her and say, “There, there. You’ll find someone who is better for you. You just have the worst luck with men.”
And I call bullish*t.
What we need to be telling her is, “Go through whatever you need to go through to gain some confidence and inner strength and truly believe what you deserve from a relationship and quit allowing these men to treat you like this. Don’t stand for it. Demand better. Demand to be respected. And until you do, you deserve all the heartache your bring on yourself.”
Now, that may seem a bit harsh. As I know that when you are in the moment of not knowing how to assert yourself in this way, or haven’t learned the tools to accept nothing less in your life, there really is nothing you can do, besides live through the hurt. And that’s what your girlfriends are for – to support you through this time when you need their patience and listening ears and McCain Deep n’ Delicious chocolate cakes. But if you aren’t learning and taking the good lessons from each dickhead who has made you cry and feel small, then I will have less and less patience for you. Because YOU need to make the decision to better yourself. And if you don’t, then I can’t hold your hand forever through it…because it is exhausting.
And I can say all of this, because at one point in my life I remember standing in my kitchen and saying to myself, “I have the worst luck with guys.” I was one of “those unlucky girls”, but that was in another lifetime… And now looking back, I see that I brought it on myself. I allowed it. It wasn’t that I was unlucky. I just didn’t have the inner strength to attract anything more into a relationship. But with my recent readings and discoveries, I can travel back to when I was that girl and be honest with myself and take responsibility for those dickheads in my life.
But I wouldn’t be the Kirsten I am today if I hadn’t been through those sad and hard times with guys (boys). And I wouldn’t know what I know now, so that the next time a girlfriend comes to me with her heart broken over a guy, telling me she has the worst luck with men, I can tell her with confidence, because I was once her, “It’s your own damn fault.”