Life. Is. Chaos.
But it’s a good chaos – more update on that in a future post. And this feeling of life consuming me has defo been a distraction from missing my mom. I have had a lot of good thoughts of her lately, and the sadness is always there, but I feel this is a coping mechanism for me. When life is so busy, I shut off my grief to be able to survive amongst the madness. This isn’t necessarily a good thing, because then it’s just waiting for me in a heap when I return to the real world. But this time, mom is preparing me for it. She did this by checking in with me the other day.
Background – my mom had a lovely friend who is creative and beautiful and artistic and a strong woman and just oozes her inner Wild Woman. Years ago she moved to Toronto and over the years I have lost touch with her and the Christmas letters I sent were returned as the address I had was no longer current. On Sunday, Nick, Arrine and I spent some time on Whyte Avenue and popped into Lululemon (this was for Nick, I would like to say), and moments after I entered the store, pushing Arrine in her stroller, I heard, “Kirsten…Kirsten,” in a slowly drawn out voice, as in disbelief. And it was her – this Wild Woman.
We hugged and held back tears and took our picture and only had a few moments to chat as she was on her way to meet someone else. The last time we had seen each other was at the Anne-Marie Merle Wear Your Red Celebration. We exchanged contact information and in a whirlwind, she was gone.
Shortly after seeing each other, she texted me this: I have not had red fingernails or toenails in years – and today – I did both!
And I knew it was mom’s way of checking in on me, and making sure that I dealt with some of my grief heap now, so it wasn’t so overwhelming for when I return to the real world.