When my dad sold our house in NB, I felt like I had lost my childhood home. But at the same time, I was ok with never going back to that place that held the memories for those last three months I was with my mom. When Arrine was two, I had come back to the lake for a girls weekend, and decided to stop by the house to show her. I wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t the same. Mom’s flower garden was gone. So was the love I remembered being there. And I know I will never deliberately return.
It was hard to let go of the home you grew up in and your mom at the same time…but I did. And then I sort of considered myself home-less, because even though I have lived in Edmonton for years and years, I had nowhere to go back to. But I do now…
I have only spent two days here in Regina, and I am actually quite disappointed with myself for not recognizing this as a place to consider home. I spent so much of my childhood within these walls, that this is where a lot of my memories live. The pottery studio, the basement where us kids spent hours and hours (now realizing that our parents were upstairs enjoying beverages), the pinball machine, the backyard, the trees. And even though I see Marlene and Claire only once every couple of years, it was like I had just been here.
There are so many things I love about this trip. How Marlene introduced me as “her friend” to one of her customers, and I thought, “Yes, I guess we are friends. I’m not just the daughter of her best friend anymore.” The food, oh the food. Marlene is an amazing hostess in that regard. How much Marlene and Claire focused on Arrine as she was their own grand-daughter. Me sharing with Marlene about whatever, and being ok to just let the tears fall. When Marlene shared with me how much she now realizes that my voice is so similar to my moms. How Marlene showed me all her new kitchen gadgets, and I was super intrigued by them all, because she knew my mom would have wanted to see them too. And finally, tonight, when I sat on the couch to do my nails and Marlene said, “Well, this trip is now complete. Your mom would have done the exact same thing, although she would have been sitting at the table.”
Marlene and I joked how we were Facebooking each other when we were just in different rooms of the house. And how people these days seems to share their feelings over social media, rather than in person. So I’ve decided to do just that.
Marlene? Thank-you for being my mom.