I’ve been absent from my writing. It’s not for a lack of topics. It’s due to a lack of time. I’ll get to organizing my thoughts to keyboard eventually, but for now, I really don’t have the time. It’s nice that I am over the “need to write for validation”, otherwise this lack of time to write would be stressing me out even more so. But it’s a double-edged sword. Without the urgency to compel me to write, I am not writing when I really want to, because I am choosing sleep instead.
But this post isn’t about all “that”. That will come later. This post is about chaos.
I texted Tee last week that I felt my current world was chaos – easily the worst I have ever felt about it before. And how it seems that all my life I have found myself saying, “I just need to get through _____, and life will be easier.” And then I get through it and another thing comes up that becomes my _______. But this time it’s different. I really do feel that once the summer heat is at its highest and the days start to become shorter again, I really will find my peace. And comfort. And feel grounded.
For now, life is a big mess. But in a good way. It’s good stress. I have a super stressful and fast paced career, with a significant team that depends on me. I have taken on a project where I keep asking myself and Nick, “Am I crazy?” (more about that whenever I can find the time to write about it). And I have fabulous friends who support me unconditionally and I try reciprocate. It’s all chaos from being blessed with these positive things in my life.
So. Chaos. The Christian (Tee) and the pagan (Kae). I love how we teach each other through our varied spirituality. Here was her response to my text.
“Do you know what I learned in church? That if you want peace, you will get chaos. Because in order to learn and understand and be in peace, you need to be amongst chaos. If you want self-control, you’re going to be put in situations where there is no control. To test you. To grow that muscle. You can’t grow your peace muscles if you’re always in peaceful situations. If you want patience, you’re not going to strengthen that muscle when you’re not pushed. So, think about this as the muscle exercise. You can find peace even in this.”
Want more words of wisdom from her? She writes too. http://trishadisha.blogspot.ca. And she’s hot.