Remember that Oath that I wrote and sometimes repost for an internal reminder to adhere to it? I’ve learned that lesson again.

During the time I was going through my significant observation about my grief and recognizing that I was using my mom’s death to define me, and the need to let that go, I also found something that I haven’t really written about yet. I filled the void that was created in letting my mom’s death go with spirituality. Female spirituality. Mother Earth. Goddess. Priestess. Crone. And it changed me. I tapped into my inner strength and power that is within us all. I plan to write about this more in detail in another post when I know it’s time to share, but my initial way to practice this, is simply to read. Read books that my mom had read, and that her Sisters had suggested I read. And I did. And I felt content. And my friends made observations about me, in that they saw a change in me. And how I needed less of other “things”. And then the reading slowed when I started a new book that I couldn’t connect with right away. And then the old ways slowly showed themselves to me again.

But this was a lesson I needed to learn for myself. It’s like someone I know who is on meds for his mental illness. He takes the meds, feels well again, stops the meds and soon becomes sick again. I stopped taking my meds. But now I know that I need to always find the time for my relationship with the internal me. My meds. And then I will always have the support I need that is created by knowing my own strength and power.

I am writing this less for you, and more for me tonight. As a way to hold myself responsible for the choices I have been making and scolding myself for it. Because this isn’t who my Mother knows I am.

Who is our Goddess?

Behold, she is ourselves.