When you let go of death you need to replace it with something. I am blessed that I was able to fill that void with what I have been needing the entire time I was holding onto death – life.
Life through spirituality.
Trisha kept reminding me that this is what I needed to find for myself, but I never really took it seriously. But now looking back, it’s because I wasn’t ready. Just like I wasn’t ready to let go of my mom’s death. But I am ready now.
I love how life keeps showing me signs to guide me. Remember the post I wrote when saying good-bye to writing before Christmas? I turned to a book that my mom had given me, Women’s Rituals by Barbara Walker, to find a passage to include. It’s a book that I have had for years and read bits and pieces of it but never really read it.
I have always been interested with this path of spirituality but never began the walk. So that night, I started reading the book from the very first page. And that’s when I realized that this journey has been waiting for me, patiently, initiated by my mom, years ago. I just wasn’t ready for it. But that night I was ready.
Since then I have been reading and asking questions and having discussions and learning. And starting to feel whole again.
Recently my friend Trisha has been shown signs related to my journey too. I actually choked on my vermicelli at lunch today when I read a passage from the second book I have been reading because of its obscure reference that was connected to something Trisha had sent me days earlier. And that’s just one of them. I want to write about these signs but I feel I need to understand them better before I can write about them. And get to a place of better understanding my spiritual choices before I can clearly express my beliefs.
But the focus of this post is simply to highlight that once you get to the place where you can let go of the death that has been defining you, you must ensure you have something positive to fill that space, otherwise the letting go will just be so you can grasp onto something else that will hold you back.