Tonight while tucking Arrine into bed, I told her I would sing her a song of her choice. She chose If I Had A Hammer by Peter, Paul & Mary (I love how she has such a vast musical genre knowledge and that at 3 1/2 she appreciates folk music). She always wants to know what the singers look like, so I have found pictures of the group for her to look at during previous song singing sessions.

While I began, “If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning,” Arrine scrunched up her big cheeks while she shut her eyes tight and placed her pudgy hands under her cheek. And I sang to her. And she kept her eyes shut.

And it reminded me of when I was younger, my mom would stay with me in my room when I was having trouble falling asleep. But the difference between my parenting and my mom, is that she would wait until I was asleep, whereas I just say good-night and leave. 🙂 I’m not as patient I guess.

When I couldn’t fall asleep fast enough, I used to change my breathing pattern so it appeared that I was asleep, when I really wasn’t. I felt bad that she was just sitting there in the dark with me but I couldn’t sleep. She would wait until it seemed I was asleep and then she’d slowly get up and leave the room. Always touching my face or giving me a kiss before she left.

Moms seem to always know. I wonder if she knew that I was just pretending to be asleep. I always felt guilty about that…and I never had the chance to share with her this memory.

She must have known…