Remember that breakthrough that I had but haven’t shared it here yet? Yah, that one? Well, I have been discussing this with my closest friends to get their input on it as well. I feel I need to go through these steps to make it real and true and then I can share. Once it’s my new normal.
The first person I talked to about it when I first had the thought was Trisha. And then she guided me through more realizations connected to it. And then Nick and I chatted. And then I shared with Jessica. I felt a sense of relief from her, because she admitted that her and my other close NB friends worry about me but feel helpless. I knew that, but before I didn’t really have a response to it besides, “Don’t worry.” And she said she agreed with my breakthrough, and she saw it, but you can’t make someone see something they aren’t ready to see.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. My dear friends Stacey and Christie were in town and we were having lunch together. This is when I shared with them the progress I have made with my grief. At first I saw Christie’s eyes light up. Then a bit of a smirk. I stopped and asked, “What?” And she said, “No, no. Keep going.” So I did. I was explaining each step I have made and connection and bit of progress while both her and Stacey were giggling. And then laughing. They kept looking at each other and even though I kept asking what the problem was, each of them insisted I keep sharing.
So while I am expressing my deepest realization about my grief connected to my mom dying, my two dear friends are just laughing. To the point that Stacey was crying.
I got through their laughter and then said, “Ok. That’s it. Now why are you laughing?” To which Christie replied, “Well, we know this already. It just took you 4 and a half years to figure out what we already knew.”
Well, there ya go. I am pretty sure this place I have gotten to with my grief is finally where I need to be. If all my closest friends have known this for the past number of years, it has to be right…right?
I just hadn’t experienced what I needed to go through to see it. But I see now.