The hardest days are the days when I miss amm the most. And I ache. The happiest days are the days when I miss amm the most. And I ache. The days in between are a constant, dull pain, that’s just always there…

I’ve been turning to music a lot lately for my posts and today I was questioning why? I think perhaps for a few reasons.

Music is something amm and I connected over and each of these songs would be something I would have shared with her. In days gone by, we would sit in the living room in NB and I’d pop in a cd into our little ghetto blaster and take out the cd booklet, play the song, listen to the lyrics and then discuss. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. Today would be different with her – playing the song from iTunes and Googling the song lyrics, but the outcome the same. Mother and daughter bonding through music.

Music is something that resonates through me. When I listen to a particular song, I can feel it in my bones. In my heart. It evokes emotion and forces me to think and question myself.

Music is something that can express what I am feeling, without me having to say it. Like dance. And it evolves.

Such is the case with Ways to Go by Grouplove. A few weeks ago I was thinking about writing this post, highlighting the lyrics “I got a little bit longer”, celebrating the progress that I’ve made in the past couple of months. But today, my initial thought would be to carry on through those lyrics and highlight “I got a ways to go”.

But instead, when I really think about this while I write, it’s both, just as the lyrics are written. “I got a little bit longer. I got a ways to go.”

Even though I got a ways to go, to compare my October 2013 self to my October 2012 self, I am proud of my growth. And I am excited to see my October 2014 self, because I have high expectations for her, but it takes time. And I only have a little bit longer, because one year, until next fall, is only a little bit longer, compared to these last 4 ½ years that I have been on this journey.

*************

I didn’t ask for this
You give me heart attack
I didn’t want to care
And then I saw you there
Been working like a dog
I turned all my dreams off
I didn’t know my name (x2)

(I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go (x2)
(Oh I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go-oh-oh
Whoa oh oh (I got a ways to go)

Even when I can’t see my rearview
Even if I call just to hear you
Even when I sleep all day (x2)
Even when I work it like I’m times two
Living in the back of the bunk just like we do
Even when I dream all day

Don’t wanna sleep tonight
You’ve got me feeling right
I didn’t know my name (x2)

(I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go (x2)
(Oh I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go-oh-oh
Whoa oh oh (I got a ways to go)

Even when I can’t see my rearview
Even if I call just to hear you
Even when I sleep all day (x2)
Even when I work it like I’m times two
Living in the back of the bunk just like we do
Even when I dream all day (x2)

Whoa-oh whoa-oh whoa (x3)
Whoa

(Oh I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go-oh-oh
Whoa oh oh

Even if I smoke in the back room
Even if I go right to meet you
Even when I sleep all day (x2)
Even when I work it like I’m times two
Waiting for the day just to end so I see you
Even when I dream all day (x2)

D-d-d-day, etc.
(Whoa-oh Whoa-oh oh) (x3)
Oh
Day

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