Sometimes I catch myself realizing it’s been a while since I cried about amm. Tonight my thoughts ran to that one chance weekend – I had already had plans to visit my dear friend Jessica in Saskatoon and amm had been taken to the hospital there for more tests and evaluation. I spent some good time with amm, and those few hours each day were some of the last conversations I was to ever have with her. Although I didn’t know it then, I knew something was horribly wrong and my life was soon to drastically change.

I kept the plans to go for supper with my girlfriends and we went to The Freehouse on Spadina Crescent. I remember amm talking about it.

I excused myself during supper, went to the washroom and cried. Cried for the unknown. Cried that inside I was barley hanging on and my friends were unaware. Cried for knowing I was already losing amm somehow. I sat in that stall and let the tears of agony out.

Then I freshened up, returned to the table and carried on like everything was ok.

I’ve never told anyone this before.

I cried tonight for that memory.