Why did I think that I would be ok with today? Why did I not take the day off of work? I guess because I thought I have been through anniversary deaths enough that this isn’t new for me. But when I woke up after a restless sleep and just felt drained, and recognized the signs of stress my body was trying to tell myself, and crying on the way to work, it was very apparent I wasn’t ready for this.

Grandma ‘Leen. I am trying to remember her not in the hospital, but when those are the last memories I had of her this time of year last year, it’s hard to remember anything different. I need to remember the cherry tarts and pickled beets and farm kitties and camping trips and Scrabble and chicken fingers. And her candy dish and getting mad when I would pull the skin off of the turkey to eat it and the pull out ledge in their farm kitchen I spent hours at, colouring and doing crafts. And the party line at the farm and the dirt floor basement and the potato garden.

And Waskesiu.

Love and hugs to you, Grandma ‘Leen.