amm’s birthday was harder than I expected it to be this year. I am always tricked into thinking that as time goes on, feeling the loss won’t be as bad. And when it hits you unexpectedly, it’s that much worse.
I felt empty.
But I did receive lovely text messages and FB notes from friends – so thank-you for that. It helps knowing that others remember too.
I had a hodge podge kind of day (amm liked to use the phrase “hodge podge”.) I didn’t have much of a plan for the daytime part of the day. I slept in, felt the aloneness, and decided to work on DanceHer for a while. Then I lay around…until…
I decided to wear amm’s “It’s Time. Join The Club” t-shirt. This t-shirt has seen love over the decades. I remember wearing it once while on maternity leave – dad and Arrine and I were going on an outing and he looked at me and said, “Are you actually wearing that out in public?” Probably because both sleeves were about to fall off and the shirt is see-through. But I did, because it was amm’s. But this time, I decided to mend it before putting it on. I set up my sewing machine and found two stickers that Arrine must have left me. And then I sewed. For amm. And then I rocked that see-through t-shirt.
Then I got ready to pick up Arrine from daycare. I picked her up early so we could have more time together before I dropped her off at gymnastics. amm’s friend Sandy wore fabulous red fashion glasses to amm’s Wear Your Red Celebration and she gave them to me that day. I decided to wear them – mostly on top of my head, like amm would do. When I saw Arrine she pointed to my head, “You’re wearing red sunglasses!” And I told her, “Remember? It’s Grandma Anne-Marie’s birthday today. So I am wearing red glasses for her.”
After dropping Arrine off at gymnastics (Nick took over), I headed out to meet my dear friend Trisha for dinner and the theatre. She took charge and planned it all a couple weeks before. We were going to see the improv group Die-Nasty. Here are a few text messages we shared over the upcoming event. “If you can’t laugh, what else can you do?”
Now, when Trisha and I get together, you never know what may come to pass. I’m not even going to bother giving an explanation for this picture.
And on the way to the theatre we saw this note on the ground and had a great laugh.
And then we left the theatre and ate this.
We chatted about life. It’s what we do when we are together. And we laughed.
There were some other special amm b’day celebration events around her birthday, that were just as important to me…thank-you.