I watched Les Mis. And I did as I had planned to do. I went to the theatre alone and watched the movie “by myself”. “By myself” is in quotations, because the theatre was packed, but there was one seat left empty beside me. Well, an actual, alive body wasn’t sitting next to me, but amm was.

The movie opened, and as the first notes of the overture played, I found myself smiling. I was smiling quite big. The music evoked such emotion and amm would have loved this movie.

I cried a quite a bit and it was ok. I didn’t even bother wiping my tears away. I just let them run down my cheek and feel them collect on my neck. When Fantine sang I Dreamed A Dream she became so consumed by her words that she started doing what I call the “convulsing cry”. It’s when your entire body is crying. And it reminded me of how I would cry when I was at the hospital with amm and shortly after she passed. It was cries where you feel that you can’t catch your breath.

I sang along by mouthing the words throughout the movie. Because amm and I could never resist singing along with the soundtrack. And I cried when the music and story caused me to cry.

I’m glad I went. It was what I needed for myself. And for amm.