I’m purging.

I’ve been hanging onto un-positive connections to amm. I use the term “un-positive”, because I wouldn’t describe them all as entirely bad or negative, but there was an aspect to them as being counter-productive to my grieving process. I became too dependant upon them.

So I am purging. Mentally and physically. When I think of an un-positive memory, I focus on allowing that thought to come in for a brief moment and then make it leave. And I try very hard to remember a good amm thought, although that’s hard to do. And I have created a box where I am tucking away the physical un-positive reminders.

For the first couple of days of the purge I would hear myself using the word “purge” over and over, just in my head. And that’s when I remembered that amm loved to use that word too.

But I did not get to the purging state on my own. So thank-you – you know who you are. Although I have had the guidance to get to this purge point, it’s now up to me to commit to the purge and experience it on my own. No one else can do this for me.

Although the purging is needed, it has started an entirely new grieving process for me.

Right now I am sad. And feel empty. But hopeful. And hope is a powerful alliance.