One of the first lessons I learned while in the hospital with amm, was that if you cry yourself to sleep, you wake up with the worst puffy eyes the next morning. I powered through morning after morning of puffy eyes while in NB.

I have puffy eyes again this morning. It’s been a long time since I have had puffy eyes each morning, day after day. It comes in waves for me. A couple days of puffy eyes every few weeks, or maybe every few months. It just depends. Knowing that the next morning I will not look the most refreshed, it’s not enough to stop me from doing it. Even though the tears come from a place of deep sadness to my core, it’s comforting in a way too. Because it takes me back to the place of when amm was still alive, when I cried myself to sleep, alone, each night. Although she wasn’t herself at the time, I could still be with her and touch her and smell her.

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