I feel absent. Not just from the blog/website, but just…absent.
These last couple of weeks I have been thinking of amm more than usual. And I really wish I could speak to her and ask her some good life advice.
When I was younger and living in North Battleford, I babysat Jane and Nico. But after I graduated and moved away, I didn’t see them anymore, although I would get updates here and there from amm.
The last time I saw Nico and his mom, they came to the hospital to see amm. Dad and I were treated to a fabulous stir-fry supper, complete with wine! Nico stayed in the hallway though, as he was battling his own illness.
Nico is now in the same ward of the hospital that amm was. Receiving updates from his family is not only difficult to hear because of the sadness I feel for him and his family, but because it takes me back to how our family went through a similar time with amm.
My sincerest love, hugs, thoughts and prayers are being sent to Nico and his family. amm is giving him a big hug too, I am sure.
On your birthday, amm and Charles would call and sing you happy birthday together. I had forgotten about this until we returned home from Sylvan Lake on Sunday, after spending Easter with Nick’s family, and listened to the most fabulous voicemail. It was my godparents, Colleen and Mike, singing happy birthday to me. I don’t know if they were doing this because they knew it’s what amm used to do, or if just amm had them do it somehow.
Love to you Godparents!!!
When amm retired Karen gave her this clock. We have pictures of amm enjoying a great laugh while opening the gift.
I returned the clock to Karen after amm passed away, to help count down the minutes to her retirement. I am sure Karen will read many good books and drink many good glasses of wine on her deck when she retires. Just as amm would be doing.
Madeleine has always loved books. And I am sure Elizabeth does too. Well, her third grand daughter is the biggest book worm too. Arrine’s latest “thing” to do, is to pull herself up into a big person’s chair, along with a book, and then just flip through the pages, over and over and over. For a girl who hardly ever sits still, she will sit for a long time – probably at least 10 minutes!!! – while reading her books. Until she needs to get down off the chair and find a new book she needs to read.
Oh, how I wish I knew what was going on in that little noggin of hers while she reads.
Ok. Like how does she do it? I had a lovely time getting together with some work friends last night for a few beverages. Throughout our conversations a topic came up where I was torn as to how to handle myself in the potential situation. I was thinking to myself, “I wish I could ask mom what she would do in this situation.” And what song starts playing over the speakers?? It can’t be, but oh yes, it was 500 Miles.
So although she wasn’t able to answer my question as to how I should conduct myself, she was able to tell me she was there for me, in whatever I choose to do.
I just watched the first episode of The Kennedys on the History Channel. This is a mini series that I know amm would have really enjoyed watching. So I am watching for the both of us…with Nick!
amm always talked about wanting a two door red sports car when she retired. Right before amm became ill, Charles and her bought a Nissan Versa. Not quite a sports car, but a good little car. (Nick and I have a Versa too!) amm wanted the Versa red, of course, but there wasn’t a red one available, without waiting months for one to arrive. So instead Charles and amm settled for blue.
Charles had been driving this blue Versa up until a couple of months ago when he decided it was time for a new car. After shopping around a bit, he was taking a two door red Nissan Altima for a test drive when the sales guy was trying to find a radio station to listen to. “Here’s a good one,” the sales guy says. And what starts playing out of speakers?? 500 Miles by The Proclaimers. This was one of amm’s favourite tunes and Anth played this at the Anne-Marie Merle Wear Your Red Celebration.
Charles said that he had to hold back the tears while driving, as he knew it was amm telling him to buy the car. And he did.
I feel blessed to have found a new friend in these last few years whom I really feel connected with. Her name is Trisha and I met her through mutual friends as she went to high school with Nick. She is a mother to two beautiful girls and a handsome boy, and still finds the time/strength/patience? to work and give time to her church, family, husband and friends. I emailed her so many times in the first few months with Arrine, asking for expert parent advice and I always got thorough, great advice.
The other night we shared some wine, as we like to do, and had a wonderful evening of chatting. Trisha asked many questions about amm and I loved every one. She was asking how quickly the disease progressed and how things were in the hospital. They were hard questions, but I do love to talk about amm!
And then she asked a question that brought me to tears. Good tears. She asked what was my best memory of amm while in the hospital. I answered that growing up, amm would always call Anth and I her “precious children”. And when amm was close to being unable to speak anymore, she pushed herself to struggle out the words, “My precious…my precious…” and I know that was her way of telling me how much Anth and I meant to her.
I now call Arrine “my precious girl”.