Anne-Marie Merle (amm)

Ok – one quick post. I couldn’t resist this.

I am lying in bed, listening to the rain hit against the house. The loudness rising and falling with the swoops of raindrops. Like the clouds are taking deep breaths in and then quickly exhaling.

It reminded me of someone and how we used to talk about the rain. And how it was mesmerizing to watch, being safely tucked inside. But one time, while talking about the rain, I couldn’t resist. I was drawn outside and felt the drops on my face. I stretched out my arms and forced myself to look up at the sky, accepting the rain in. And then we both agreed how cleansing the rain can be. And that sense of freshness and newness a rainfall can bring.

So now, as I listen to the dibble dibble dop dop, I need to remember that.

A rain cleanse.

My absence is a good absence right now! Busy with life and the purging process!!

I’ll be in touch! I do have lots to say!

Beatles lyrics, passed onto me…

When I’m Sixty-Four

When I get older,
losing my hair,
many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a Valentine,
birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

If I’ve been out
till quarter to three,
would you lock the door?
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me,
when I’m sixty-four?

You’d be older too,
and if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy
mending a fuse,
when your lights are gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside.
Sunday mornings go for a ride.

Doing the garden,
digging the weeds,
who could ask for more?
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me,
when I’m sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage in the isle of Wight
if it’s not too dear.
we shall scrimp and save,
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck and Dave.

Send me a postcard,
drop me a line,
stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say.
Yours sincerely, wasting away.

Give me your answer,
fill in a form, -
mine for ever more.
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me
when I’m sixty-four.

Hi Kirsten,
I came across this & was in awe of it, reminded me so much of Anne-Marie
enjoy!!! thinking of you.
hugs & luv Audrey

A Butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment, its glory and beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies on again and though we wish it could have stayed we feel so lucky to have seen it at all!

Today I decided to do something that amm would have loved to do.

Weed.

I used my favourite Fiskars weeder and weeded and weeded.

And then for supper the only drinking container I had left was Marlene’s Mom mug. So I used it to drink my milk.

This is a link to Aaron’s blog and his most recent post. Aaron studies in China and shared this video of his practice. While watching this video, I felt a sense of peacefulness and immediately thought how much amm wold have loved watching this video of Aaron.

How does this make you feel?

http://soggypajamas.blogspot.ca/2012/05/video-yangshi-taijiquan.html

I’m purging.

I’ve been hanging onto un-positive connections to amm. I use the term “un-positive”, because I wouldn’t describe them all as entirely bad or negative, but there was an aspect to them as being counter-productive to my grieving process. I became too dependant upon them.

So I am purging. Mentally and physically. When I think of an un-positive memory, I focus on allowing that thought to come in for a brief moment and then make it leave. And I try very hard to remember a good amm thought, although that’s hard to do. And I have created a box where I am tucking away the physical un-positive reminders.

For the first couple of days of the purge I would hear myself using the word “purge” over and over, just in my head. And that’s when I remembered that amm loved to use that word too.

But I did not get to the purging state on my own. So thank-you – you know who you are. Although I have had the guidance to get to this purge point, it’s now up to me to commit to the purge and experience it on my own. No one else can do this for me.

Although the purging is needed, it has started an entirely new grieving process for me.

Right now I am sad. And feel empty. But hopeful. And hope is a powerful alliance.